Mourning into Joy

Last summer, I was working out at the construction shop where I have done the bookkeeping for 25 years.  I work out there two short mornings a week.  A sub-contracted painter popped in and dropped off his bill.  Hmm, I thought.  He is the guy that some friends have mentioned to me about dating..........but didn't think much of it.  During that time, several names were mentioned to me for dating, but I wasn't desperately out looking to date.  "All in God's timing", I would say!  A month went by and that same painter popped in with another bill.  This time he said, "So you are Karen........."  and I said, "Yep, and you must be Jim"  Profound, I know!!!  He asked for my number (panic mode!!!) and he later texted me for a coffee get together.  I was out of town that weekend so the next week he brought dinner for us to eat out on my patio.  I didn't want to go out in public (!!!!) and I refused to call this a "date".  It was just a get-to-know-each-other!   I made him dinner a week later.........and after that we spent time together a couple of times a week.  We were just getting to know each other........... not dating!!

Our first hike together

Dating at this age is a crazy thing.  It had been 37 years since I dated.  All new territory!  We discovered we have lots in common.  We both lost a spouse.  We both know grief.  We both love Jesus.  We both love to hike, to get outdoors.  And those are probably the most important things, right??  There are so many things to consider - kids, houses, churches, finances........ We decided to focus on "us" and let the rest fall into place if we were right for each other.

Jim is a "retired" missionary.  Him and his wife Cheryl (who, by the way, was a class mate of mine at Dordt!) were missionaries in Bolivia for 17 years.  They had 4 children while in Bolivia.  They lost their son Derek when he was 18 months old.  The family moved back to the states about 10 years ago.  Cheryl died suddenly 7 years ago.  Jim's three surviving children all graduated from Whitworth College.  The two oldest live in Denver - Peter is married to Katie and they have darling 5 month old Eliana.  Cristi also lives in Denver, and Jonny is just finished with Whitworth and deciding where to work and settle.  Jim's dad was a teacher/principle and he painted on his off seasons.  After Jim graduated from WSU, he also painted with his dad.  Since Jim has been back from Bolivia, he picked up the paint brushes again and is now painting.  He is his own boss, I am (mostly) my own boss.  If we feel like taking a day to head to the mountain, we do!!  (Not often enough tho!!!)

We had breaks throughout the summer/fall.  I went on a mission trip to Guadalajara for 10 days in early August.  Jim went fishing for a week.  He went to Idaho/Denver for almost three weeks the end of September into October.  These breaks were needed and so well-timed!  We both had cold feet at different times (although one of us more than the other......)  By the time Jim was back in October, I had realized I didn't want to live without him in my life.  We went to Denver over New Year's and had a great time visiting with his kids and extended family.  I think it was during that trip that Jim decided he wanted to keep me in his life..........  We had talked in the fall about getting married, but in January we decided for sure we did indeed want to marry.  He surprised me with a ring.  We kept this a bit quiet a first --- this is all so different at this age and so personal.  We know that some people won't understand.  And yet we truly believe this is a gift from God and we are so thankful!!

My dad's health declined around this time; wedding plans got put on the back burner.  Dad met Jim, Dad knew we were getting married and he gave us his blessing.  What a gift to have that before Dad passed away!!!  Meanwhile, my amazing friends have been a great help with this wedding planning business.

So, next month on April 28 we will marry again.  Our children, grandchildren and immediate family will join us; our closest friends will be there with us - they have walked the road of grief with us and we want them to celebrate in this new joy with us.  Our grandchildren will be our ring bearers and flower girls.  How cool is that??  Pastor Mike, who took his turn once a week to put Les to bed, will marry us.  Jim and I are both grateful for great families and great friends.

I will always miss Les; I will always love Les.  Jim will always miss Cheryl; he will always love her.  But, Les and Cheryl are with Jesus and we were left here on earth to piece together a new normal and a new life.  We feel truly blessed that this relationship has blossomed into a new chance at love.  God is good.

Please keep us in your prayers this next month and following our marriage.  There will be many adjustments.  Jim and I are both very independent individuals!  Yet we have changed through our grief and loneliness.  We realize how fleeting this life really is; we want to enjoy whatever time left we have on this earth.  We look forward to spending many years together, all in God's perfect timing.
"I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and JOY instead of sorrow"  Jeremiah 31:13

EEEEKKKKK - I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!