Memories

This picture popped up on my Facebook timeline this week.  Oh what a fun day!

We went white water rafting six years ago this month - before grandbabies and before ALS.  I am SO THANKFUL for the fun things we did - for the adventures we went on.  If you are thinking about doing something with your family - DO IT!!!!!

I recently spent a week in Leavenworth.  Being in Leavenworth is kinda like camping in the mountains - but you still have a bed and a kitchen.  I had a very relaxing week;  I spent some time with my high school friend Terri, my niece Dani and family, my brother Donald and family, friends Lonnie, Lori and Alicia (and her sweet kiddos Ocean and River!)  Thank you Steve and Cheryl.  Your generosity is a blessing.. 

102 degrees this day!

Happy birthday to my little brother

 A daughter of our dear friends Rick & Pam recently got married.  We were out setting up the day before the wedding, and I just got so sad.  Les should have been there!  We helped with their other two daughters' weddings - Les sang at both of them! - and it just felt weird to not have him there.  The actual wedding was also difficult for me - the father/daughter dance!! - so  many memories.    I'm glad I was with dear friends and I'm glad that another "first" is also over!  I wasn't expecting that sadness!!

My girls!!!

These girls keep life fun!

Life goes on.  The grief still comes and goes - not as often, but it still hits me when I least expect it (like the wedding!!).  When I start looking at old pictures - oh my, I just get lost in memories!  So many good ones!  I am so thankful for that.  I've been able to travel quite a bit lately and have some fun -- I am making NEW memories.  I am thankful for that.  There is still joy to be had in this life!

A Headstone....and miscellaneous

The headstone for Les' grave was finally installed last week.  When Cindy from the funeral home called to tell me, I was so excited.  After I hung up the phone, I started crying.  Not sure why it was so emotional for me, but it was!  That evening I went out to see it, and I cried again.  Maybe because it is so FINAL - it's all written in granite.  Les picked out the shape of the headstone (just like his parents') - the kids and I added the scenery. It turned out great.

My cousin's husband died a couple weeks ago.  His name was Dennis and he had been sick for several years.  We met up a couple of times at the UW when Les and Dennis were both there, and those two hit it off -  I think they bonded through their illnesses!  We visited my cousins a couple of years ago down on the Columbia River, where they live.  After that visit, Dennis would text Les almost every day.  He was a huge encouragement to Les.   I drove down for the weekend for the funeral.   It was a great trip - I got to see lots of cousins and my Aunt Rose, whom I don't get to see very often.  We did have lots of fun, also!

May, 2014 - Jody, Dennis and Les

Our dads are brothers

Mother's Day was a good day.  I am blessed to have my children and grandchildren close to me.  I am also thankful for my mom!  Her and dad were out of town that weekend.

 We have had a beautiful, warm spring and it is so good for my soul!  I've had more energy lately and I'm so thankful.  I've got a couple of trips coming up soon - it's good for my head to know that I have plans to look forward to.   It was recently our wedding anniversary (woulda been 34 years!!), and that hit me harder than I thought it would.  I just never know........... There are still times when I miss Les so much - I just think, "Now where is Les????" I do have many days where I say, "It's been a good day"  and I am so grateful for that! 

Paradise

Les is in Paradise with God, I am sure.  I decided to take a trip to Hawaii, which is a pretty great paradise here on earth!  Last year when Les sold his Explorer, we saved the cash hoping for a trip like this after he was gone.  Late last fall my kids and I booked a trip to Maui.  As I was booking it, my California sister invited me to a week in Maui with her at her timeshare..........everything worked out great with the timing for me to go for two weeks!  

My kids and I spent 8 days at a condo we rented, north of Black Rock.  It was pretty tough - all we had to worry about was beach or pool?  what to eat?  The grandbabies did really well, all things considered.  We traveled to a couple different beaches for a change of scenery, but otherwise stayed put and relaxed.  It was our first family vacation without Les - moments of sadness, but we had a great time.  Les would have loved it.

MY baby boy turned 30 while we were there.  How is this possible?  Kris decided to go to the aquarium since it was a bit drizzly that morning.  K-man came along - he loved the "big fish".

Attempt at a photo in shirts from cousin Judy/Lilypad

The day my kids and grandbabies flew back home,  my sisters flew in--Becky from California and Sharon from Iowa.  We moved to Becky's timeshare condo at the Marriott.  I'm not sure where those days went!  We had lots of fun, relaxed, read books, ordered fancy drinks poolside, ate yummy food.   After our Palm Sunday beach side church service, we hiked up past Kapalua golf course.  A steep hike, but good exercise and great views!!

**A big SHOUT OUT to these sisters of mine.  They have traveled to visit us/me more times than I can keep track of the past 2.5 years.   I know that if I need them and I ask, they will come.  We are so different in many ways and yet so similar in many others.  I am thankful for them and I love them.**

I was not ready to go home!  It was a great time away.  I came home to dreary, cold, wet weather.  I had a couple tough days getting back to reality - as my friend Sheri said - it's my reality without Les!  So true.  But then it was Good Friday, and Easter - I went to church with my parents and shared communion with some dear friends, and I thought, Yes, I am back home.  I'm so thankful I have this church family!!  I'm thankful for my children and grandbabies, my parents, and for good friends.  This past week, the sun has been shining - the grass is green, the tulips are blooming - spring is here with new life as we continue to learn how to live in our new lives without Les.

Life Goes On

Life DOES go on after you lose a loved one.  There have been many times when I just wanted the world to stop so we could all just focus on grieving for Les.  I don't want everyone to forget about him!  But I am realizing that yes, life does go on.  We all have great memories of Les and we will cherish them.

My parents celebrated their 60th anniversary on February 29.  They got married on a leap day! Mom decided at the "last minute" to have a small open house last Saturday.  My two sisters decided to fly up for a couple of days, and my younger brother drove over.  We ended up having a really nice afternoon with some family and some of their friends (MOST of their friends are all south in the sun!!).  What a blessing to be able to celebrate so many years together!  5 children, 16 grandchildren, 21 great-grands - and I'm sure there will be many more! Also makes me sad -- Les and I should have had 25 more years together, but.... Life goes on........

Missing our oldest brother Dan!

They were 18 and 19 on their wedding day!!

Cousins!!

Brett and Leslie had their second little boy recently.  He is Preston Lucas and he is a cutie!  Les knew they were having a boy; so fun for them to have two little guys.  They are doing well and K-man is being a great big brother.  Life goes on..........

Little Dallas JOY is still as cute as ever.  I care for her every Wednesday - it is a very busy day!  Hank the dog usually comes with her.  My puppy Dutch wants so badly to play, play, play - but Hank usually isn't too interested.  I think that Hank still really misses Les.  He isn't too happy being in this house.  I am SO GLAD I got a new puppy.  Dutch gets me up in the morning and he keeps me hopping throughout the day!  Life goes on..........

I am doing okay.  I've had a few tough weeks over the past several months.  One was around Valentine's Day.  Not sure if it was the time of year (dreary and wet) or just all the talk about love.  I was remembered that day by some sweet friends Daniel & Traci and also some little girls from my church.  I am looking forward to longer days - those long winter evenings are SO LONG!  There is lots of work to do outside, but I just do what I can.  I cleaned the gutters for the first time ever.  I went from feeling sorry for myself to being proud of myself!  Les did all the heavy spring work - but I will learn.  I am hoping neighbor Dan and neighbor Mark let me know when I'm supposed to be putting something on the lawn with that little spreader thing........

I received a tree from the UPS family when Les died.  I wasn't ready to plant it then - too big of a decision!  Recently I asked if the UPS friends still wanted to plant it.  I knew my boys would do it, but Gunnar insisted they still would.  They came last Sunday and planted it by Les' "river" that he had built in our back yard.  Gunnar shared some special words (see below).  I look forward to watching that little tree spread and grow and always remind me of the UPS bond Les had with these people.

Les' Tree:
It's roots are anchored in faith and family, providing shade in the heat and cover in the rain.
It's a gathering place to reflect on his impact on us and in spring remind us of the beauty he brought to our lives.
It's a great honor to be a part of this planting and, Karen, when you look out your window I hope you'll not only be reminded of what a great man Les was, but also the bond we all formed through Les' illness.

Life goes on.

New Beginnings

Time is flying by!  I was just talking with my girls yesterday, we can't believe that Les has been gone four and half months already.  Sometimes it seems like last week, sometimes it seems so long ago.  I have slowly realized that all of last year is pretty much a blur to me.  I often refer to my blog to remind me of what had been going on.........  I also have realized that I did not know how sick Les was at the end.  I was existing on auto-pilot and just thinking of what needed to be done next.  I do not like to remember him that sick.  I want to remember the healthy Les.  And I am really missing the healthy Les.

When our Iowa friends Steve and his wife Rachel visited last year, they told us about the puppies that Steve's brother was raising.  Les knew I wanted one of these puppies.  When I finally remembered to email this family, he told me they had 4 litters ready the middle of Christmas.  Well - when I looked at those puppies online, I knew I had to have one!  This little guy was flown out here at 8 weeks old.   My sister Becky was here when he flew in, so her and Leslie drove with me to the airport to get him.  Needless to say, I have been VERY busy dealing with a puppy but I am so glad he is in the house!!  I was going to name him Max but for some reason, Kaden decided on Dutch.  So Dutch he is.  He is a mini GoldenDoodle and I think it is so special that he came from Les' friends, from Les' home town in Iowa.

I am thankful for friends who keep me busy.  This group went on our annual Christmas home tour in December.  Always a fun outing!

New Years Day I went snow shoeing with some friends.  I of course haven't been able to do this for a couple of years, and it was so awesome to be up there with so much snow.  Such a fun day.  We ended with a fire in the snow and roasted hot dogs.  One of the best hot dogs I have ever had!!

 A group of us girls also enjoyed a Christmas dinner hosted by Gina.  Never a dull moment when we are together!!

My Iowa bestie was here for a weekend in January.  She decided to come now instead of for Les' service, and what a great decision that was.  I was able to look forward to her visit, and I was so ready to have her around!  We didn't do much, but we got lots of talking in.  I was able to go over Les' final days with her and talk through the weeks after with her.  Les and I were very good friends with Nancy, and grieving with her was so healing for me.  It was a very theraputic weekend!!!

Earlier this week I visited Les' friend Tom who also has ALS.  They became pretty good friends over the past year.  When Les couldn't drive anymore, Tom would still drive to our house to visit.  A couple months ago, Kris was trying to sell Les' wheelchair (per his father's instructions!!!) but we realized that used wheelchairs just don't sell.  One day it just popped in my head that I should offer this wheelchair to Tom.  They were so thrilled to receive it!  After seeing Tom in Les' wheelchair this week, I was reassured that that was the right decision.  Tom isn't walking much anymore so he will get lots of use out of that fancy wheelchair.  I had a great visit with Tom and Jen.  They have two darling little girls, 4 and 6.  This family will have a rough road ahead.  If you think of praying for them, please do.  Our other friend with ALS, Nelda, passed away this week.  I went to her service - she also lived with such courage and strength.  So many lessons to be learned from these dear ones who suffer from this awful disease!

And so, my life is going on.  I received many books about grief, about being alone, etc. etc. but just didn't have the desire to read them.  Just the past few weeks, I finally picked up the book I received from Pastor Ken and nurse Kay.  What a great book it has been!  One of the things this book keeps reminding me of is that "Your spouse died.  You did not"  The book reminds me that I can face and deal with this grief, and then move on.  I can enjoy life again.  That's what God wants for me, and that's what Les would want for me.  It's still one day at a time, but I AM looking forward to a JOY filled life.

Reflections

What a year this has been.  A year ago, Les was still walking and eating.  Hard to imagine he has been gone over 3 months already.  We have made it through a Thanksgiving without him, and celebrated his birthday without him.

We had our friend Daniel take some pictures at Les' service.  I knew that I wouldn't remember much.  And that turned out to be true- I don't remember hardly any of the graveside service.  I'm so glad I have these pictures.  Thanks Daniel, you are the best.

We asked those who had sang with Les in the past to come up front and sing a final "10,000 Reasons"

I recently had the "transfer" guys and their wives for dinner.  I wanted to do SOMETHING to let them know how much they are appreciated.  My friend Lori helped set a pretty table and my dad made the yummy prime rib (and NO leftovers!!).  Oh we had so much fun!!  Les had some great friends!  We laughed and laughed.   Towards the end of the evening we shared stories of Les and it was emotional but so good, and so healing.

Christmas season is upon us.  I did decorate a tree - I wanted to have that - and then over the next few days gradually got a few things up.  Now that some decorations are up, I'm glad!  I have also noticed how so much emphasis is on FAMILY this time of year.  Which is all great until your own family has a great big hole in it.  SO, I am trying to focus on Jesus this Christmas.  He is the reason for the season, and I am ever so much more aware of that.  Daughter Leslie is very pregnant right now, due in January, and it certainly helps imagine what Mary was going through before the birth of her Son!!

Merry Christmas to you.  This is my Christmas card, I guess.  I have some adorable grandchildren to share with you.

A recent verse from The Jesus Calling:  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"  Romans 15:13

Sunshine Therapy

I recently flew to California.  My sister Becky lives east of Oakland.  Every fall her and her husband take a business trip.  For many years I have gone down there and stayed with their kids while they were gone.  Some years Les would go with me, but mostly I went by myself.  Last year I didn't go at all.  Now just niece Jenae lives at home (the two boys live in San Luis Obispo) and Jenae said I could come and stay with her.  The timing was perfect!!

Becky and Darrell were home the first several days I was there.  Their two boys were also home for that weekend. I was surprised to find out that on Sunday we were going to the 49'rs football game!  At first I wasn't very excited because sometimes crowds can overwhelm me a bit, but I decided I would go and I'm SO GLAD I did - we had so much fun!  (even tho it was the 49'rs.......)   I had a relaxing time on my trip; I got to sit in the sun most days.  Watched Jenae play volleyball AND soccer.  It was good to be away.

Go Hawks!!!

Not a bad view from their patio!

My mom had ankle replacement surgery the week I got home from California.  My Iowa sister Sharon came for another week to stay at mom and dad's and care for mom.  It was so nice to have her here for another week!!!  My brother Don came for a couple days after Sharon left, and now mom is doing very well - her and dad are managing quite nicely.  My mom is a trooper! 

I was alot of help!!!

Last week I was invited to a UPS thing - some of Les' friends had a small get together.  I was not sure if I wanted to go......but again, I did, and we had such a great evening.  Thanks Rick & Paula for hosting!!!

 Many of you ask how I am doing.  I am doing okay - I've got to get out of bed in the morning, ya know?  I actually have days that I go to bed and say, This was a good day!  I have also realized that for me this has been a choice.  Often I feel like just curling up in bed, but I don't.  I try to stay busy - which hasn't been too hard!  I've got work to catch up on; tons of paperwork to deal with (ugh) and two grandbabies to have fun with.  I have lots of house projects to do - that kind of stuff didn't get any attention the past few years.  But those projects are also the kinds of things that overwhelm me; I guess I will pick away at it as I feel up to it

It's still just one day at a time for me.  I never know when the grief will sneak up on me and hit me a good one.  Like when I was at my sister's and I went to my room at night, picked up my phone to call Les to talk about our days..............  I am still choosing JOY - joy that I have good days, joy that I have good friends to hang out with, joy for family that is close by.  Joy for the good memories.  This was in my Jesus Calling: "the Joy of the Lord is my strength.  I, the God of hope, fill you with all Joy and Peace as you trust in Me, so that you may bubble over with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  AMEN