Mister and Missus

Since many of you have been asking, here is a wedding blog!

April 28 was such a good day.  I wasn't nervous, I was just happy and very excited for this next new season of my life.  The night before we hosted all of Jim's siblings (there are 8 in that family!) at our house.  My Iowa brother-in-law served smoked brisket and his amazing bbq beans.  My mom made coleslaw - everything was so, so yummy.  Many thanks to my sisters and brother-in-law for this event.  No pics - I was having too much fun!

My girls, my new step-daughter to be, my sister, my niece, my friends and I decorated the ferry terminal the morning of the wedding.  My nephew Derek made the old-wood boxes for centerpieces, and we filled them with flowers from the the amazing Seven Sisters Designs.  We kept things simple, and I was thrilled with how it looked. My nephew Derek also made the cross.  He made it for his own wedding last fall, and I asked to borrow it.  He has now donated it to the Hispanic church in Mt. Vernon.  How cool is that???  The two white roses on the candle table were in honor of Les and Cheryl.  We will not forget that they are the parents of our children, and that they helped shape Jim and me into who we are today.

As I mentioned in my prior blog post, my friends had helped so much with this wedding planning.  They were so amazing during the time I was dealing with my dad's illness and death.   They would make me sit down and talk about this event that was coming on.  They shopped for me.  They brought me wines to taste.  They gave me great suggestions.  They helped me decide what dress to wear.  We had a lot of fun and I am so grateful for them.

Jim and I were blessed to have so much family support.  ALL of Jim's siblings and their spouses were at the ceremony.  All of Cheryl's siblings and spouses flew out here.  What a gift to have their support.  My sisters were able to be here, and my younger brother and his wife.  My two sister-in-laws, Linda and Vicky flew out.   Jim's kids were here for a short weekend - we were so happy they squeezed in a quick weekend away to help us celebrate.  We miss that crew - especially baby Eliana!!!  (Although, Jim's youngest son Jonathan and his girlfriend Jes have now moved here!)

The ceremony meant so much to us.  My Iowa friend Nancy played piano while our friend Karen played her violin.  Kris and Leslie walked me in.  My dear friend Lori sang "Surely His Presence". Pastor Mike married us.  (Pastor Mike was one of the guys who took a turn putting Les to bed once a week.  He has a special place in my heart!)  Jim's friend from Idaho, Pastor Mark, prayed over us and our children.  Niece Emily sang a beautiful song, "Your Love Changes Everything".   Our reception was just dinner and a chance for these families to mingle and visit.

We have settled into this new life together.  Jim has moved into my house for now.  He will rent his out to his niece Rachel and her family while they are home for a furlough from the mission field.  Our biggest complaint - we have been TOO BUSY, but otherwise doing great!  We are thankful and blessed to have this new life together.   With God's blessing and guidance, we pray for many years together.  With MUCH JOY!

Mourning into Joy

Last summer, I was working out at the construction shop where I have done the bookkeeping for 25 years.  I work out there two short mornings a week.  A sub-contracted painter popped in and dropped off his bill.  Hmm, I thought.  He is the guy that some friends have mentioned to me about dating..........but didn't think much of it.  During that time, several names were mentioned to me for dating, but I wasn't desperately out looking to date.  "All in God's timing", I would say!  A month went by and that same painter popped in with another bill.  This time he said, "So you are Karen........."  and I said, "Yep, and you must be Jim"  Profound, I know!!!  He asked for my number (panic mode!!!) and he later texted me for a coffee get together.  I was out of town that weekend so the next week he brought dinner for us to eat out on my patio.  I didn't want to go out in public (!!!!) and I refused to call this a "date".  It was just a get-to-know-each-other!   I made him dinner a week later.........and after that we spent time together a couple of times a week.  We were just getting to know each other........... not dating!!

Our first hike together

Dating at this age is a crazy thing.  It had been 37 years since I dated.  All new territory!  We discovered we have lots in common.  We both lost a spouse.  We both know grief.  We both love Jesus.  We both love to hike, to get outdoors.  And those are probably the most important things, right??  There are so many things to consider - kids, houses, churches, finances........ We decided to focus on "us" and let the rest fall into place if we were right for each other.

Jim is a "retired" missionary.  Him and his wife Cheryl (who, by the way, was a class mate of mine at Dordt!) were missionaries in Bolivia for 17 years.  They had 4 children while in Bolivia.  They lost their son Derek when he was 18 months old.  The family moved back to the states about 10 years ago.  Cheryl died suddenly 7 years ago.  Jim's three surviving children all graduated from Whitworth College.  The two oldest live in Denver - Peter is married to Katie and they have darling 5 month old Eliana.  Cristi also lives in Denver, and Jonny is just finished with Whitworth and deciding where to work and settle.  Jim's dad was a teacher/principle and he painted on his off seasons.  After Jim graduated from WSU, he also painted with his dad.  Since Jim has been back from Bolivia, he picked up the paint brushes again and is now painting.  He is his own boss, I am (mostly) my own boss.  If we feel like taking a day to head to the mountain, we do!!  (Not often enough tho!!!)

We had breaks throughout the summer/fall.  I went on a mission trip to Guadalajara for 10 days in early August.  Jim went fishing for a week.  He went to Idaho/Denver for almost three weeks the end of September into October.  These breaks were needed and so well-timed!  We both had cold feet at different times (although one of us more than the other......)  By the time Jim was back in October, I had realized I didn't want to live without him in my life.  We went to Denver over New Year's and had a great time visiting with his kids and extended family.  I think it was during that trip that Jim decided he wanted to keep me in his life..........  We had talked in the fall about getting married, but in January we decided for sure we did indeed want to marry.  He surprised me with a ring.  We kept this a bit quiet a first --- this is all so different at this age and so personal.  We know that some people won't understand.  And yet we truly believe this is a gift from God and we are so thankful!!

My dad's health declined around this time; wedding plans got put on the back burner.  Dad met Jim, Dad knew we were getting married and he gave us his blessing.  What a gift to have that before Dad passed away!!!  Meanwhile, my amazing friends have been a great help with this wedding planning business.

So, next month on April 28 we will marry again.  Our children, grandchildren and immediate family will join us; our closest friends will be there with us - they have walked the road of grief with us and we want them to celebrate in this new joy with us.  Our grandchildren will be our ring bearers and flower girls.  How cool is that??  Pastor Mike, who took his turn once a week to put Les to bed, will marry us.  Jim and I are both grateful for great families and great friends.

I will always miss Les; I will always love Les.  Jim will always miss Cheryl; he will always love her.  But, Les and Cheryl are with Jesus and we were left here on earth to piece together a new normal and a new life.  We feel truly blessed that this relationship has blossomed into a new chance at love.  God is good.

Please keep us in your prayers this next month and following our marriage.  There will be many adjustments.  Jim and I are both very independent individuals!  Yet we have changed through our grief and loneliness.  We realize how fleeting this life really is; we want to enjoy whatever time left we have on this earth.  We look forward to spending many years together, all in God's perfect timing.
"I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and JOY instead of sorrow"  Jeremiah 31:13

EEEEKKKKK - I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Hospice - again

Just about three years ago we put Les on Hospice care.  Now my dad is on Hospice care.

On Tuesday, the neurologist informed us there is nothing else they can do for dad.  She, and the hospital doctor, advised that dad be put on Hospice care.  We did not expect that!  We thought they would get the meds controlled and dad would return to his shuffling, sometime mumbling, sometime talking old self!!  But Hospice!

Since then dad has been resting quietly.  He is unresponsive.  His eyes don't open.  He is on no meds - not even for his cholesterol or his high blood pressure or his Parkinsons.  He is not eating and he is not drinking.  He isn't hooked up to anything.   He coughs every now and then but that's about it.

We are waiting to transfer him to the Christian Healthcare Center here in town.  Hospice thinks he might be able to move tomorrow.  That will be much easier for mom to pop in and out for visits.  Now she spends most of her day at the hospital.  My brother Don was here last weekend.  My sister Becky is here this weekend, my sister Sharon comes on Tuesday.  Mom and I are so grateful for their visits!  Dad has had lots of visitors.  Pastor Ken loves to sing when he visits and asks everyone in the room to join in.  We have been playing dad's beloved Gaither music for him.

Please pray for comfort and peace for dad, and peace for mom.  We don't know God's timing, but we know it is perfect. One of my verses this morning:  Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

Dad Update

Thanks so much for your prayers!!  Many of you have been asking for an update on my Dad.   Easiest way is to blog!

A mutual love!

Last Sunday morning Dad was brought in to ER.  The overnight help we had, sweet Elizabeth, had been up with him almost all night.  When mom got up, Elizabeth recommended we bring him in.  Faithful nurse Kay was called and she came over to help make the decision.  Nothing could be done for dad, he was so so agitated!

I was out of town.  My niece Gretta Claire was in the Apple Blossom Pageant on Saturday night, and I decided to make a quick trip to Wenatchee to attend.  We had 24 hour care for Dad, so I felt okay leaving.  I had a great drive over the mountain - the sun was shining on those glorious mountains.  It does the soul good to see the majesty.  Gretta Claire won - she is the queen.  It was such a fun night!  I stayed with my niece Dani and her family - we always have a great time together.

On my way home Sunday morning, friends Jay and Marlene advised me Dad was in ER.  I went straight to the hospital and met mom in ER.  Dad was still there, but he was going to be admitted to the hospital.  We talked with the neurologist on duty.  He was going to slash Dad's medications and see if he was perhaps over-medicated.  At this point, Dad was very agitated.  He didn't know who we were.  I decided to take mom home - we didn't need to be there for that.  We knew he was safe and that the nurses would take good care of him.

Long story short, Dad is still in the hospital.  He has not been on his feet since Sunday morning.  Thursday when I was there, I fed him his lunch.  He's eating pretty good, but has no strength or energy.  Sometimes he is fairly aware of what's going on, other times he is not.  His pattern is to get worse in the late afternoon/evening.  This is apparently referred to as "Sundowners" and is common with dementia.  The doctors are playing around a little with his meds, but it appears this will be the new normal.   Yesterday, tho, Dad was unresponsive all day.  He would mumble, he would eat his food, but he wouldn't open his eyes.  When Pastor Ken, Kay, Mom and my brother Don sang Amazing Grace, dad mouthed the words!   We left him resting quietly last night.

We are not sure when he will be released.  At this point, it looks as if he will go directly to the Christian Health Care Center.  We aren't sure if that will be permanent or not.  We are not sure if he could be transferred later to one of the memory care facilities we visited.  He will not be going back home.

My mom is doing well.  She is relieved to not be responsible for him at home.  It's hard to watch your spouse deteriorate - I know this all too well!!!   Dad usually knows mom and asks for her often.  He was asking quite often for us to get him out of there.......and he also shows his humor often.  He tries to make jokes with the nurses.  That is good to see!

Dreary Days

Dreary days of the Northwest here lately.  Rain rain rain.  Not much sunshine.  We haven't had much wintery stuff, except for the big ice storm the first of January - but yikes we have had dark rainy days.

Another dreary thing is my Dad's decline with his Parkinson's.  My dad has had Parkinson's about 10 years, but it has really kicked his butt this past month.  We can hardly believe the rapid decline.  He is having hallucinations, he talks total nonsense, he is falling more often............ it just isn't very fun.

My dad is the youngest of 5 kids.  He was born in Iowa - moved briefly here in Washington, and then his mom (grandma Grace) moved them down to southern California. My dad did not graduate from high school; he started driving truck, married my mom and had a baby before he was 20!

 Dad has always liked to have a good time and my parents were very social...playing softball, going water skiing, barbeques.... Mom and dad decided they didn't want to raise their childern in Southern California so they moved to southwest Washington and bought a dairy farm (he knew nothing about running a dairy - but he succeeded!).  After 5 years of that daily hard work of milking, he decided to be a hay farmer instead and bought a hay farm in eastern Washington.  This was a very busy life in the summer with more time off in the winter.  We had a water ski boat;  we snow skied; dad raced mini-Indy cars - he golfed, he hunted, they made lots of trips to Hawaii, he snowmobiled.  Dad loved being busy, he loved being social, he loved having a good time.  He always had a good joke to tell!

Trucking in California

Farming in eastern Washington

Race car driving

Fun on Dad's fishing boat!

After they retired, dad golfed ALOT and him and mom spent winters in Palm Springs golfing and playing tennis.  He loved to fish up in Canada.  They had a motor home and enjoyed traveling America and also did several "work" trips with CRWRC helping in disaster zones.  And then he was diagnosed with Parkinson's.

My mom has been amazing through all of this.  The past few months she has been so so good with dad.  But now she can't take care of him anymore.  He doesn't listen to her and he is too strong for her.  I spent two nights this past week at their house - to help when Dad wakes up in the night.  This has been exhausting.  Mom finally made the decision that Dad needs to live somewhere else - somewhere that is safe for him.  The other day he walked outside a couple of times, he tried to light the gas stove - it is just too dangerous for him to be at home. We now have a care giver in the house for 24 hours a day.  Mom and I are checking out care facilities to decide what place will be best for Dad.  Please pray for us as we navigate this new season of life for my parents.

Dad's 80th birthday last year

BUT - the sun is supposed to come out today.  There is still much joy in my life.  I have a new grandson, Cash Keith (Keith was Les' middle name).  What a gift to hold this new born baby in the middle of all this.  I have other joy in my life and that will be the next blog!